Lick the Red, Suck the White
by YamiTenshi
Summary: Closed doors, almost Christmas-time, and Sakura listening in on conversations she shouldn't be. Surely Sasuke couldn't be doing THAT with her idiotic blonde teammate? Do the ears deceive or are arbitrary perceptions in the way of the truth? SasuNaru


Lick the Red, Suck the White

A Christmas fic! And it's only what, two months late? All right!

0o0

Sakura grumbled angrily as she dragged her cellmates' gear to Naruto's dingy apartment. Really, they needed to be responsible for remembering to carry their own crap home. She wasn't their maid. That's not to say that she wouldn't mind being _Sasuke-kun's _maid, especially if she got to wear a cute outfit that made him fall head over heels in love with her and they got married and had twenty-seven beautiful children. A girl could dream. Or suffer the occasional delusion. It depended on how one tarred the situation.

But there was a side of worry to her anger. Sasuke had been acting peculiarly lately. For some reason nowadays, he'd glance over at Naruto and they'd both smile at some private joke that only they were privy to. It was beginning to drive her quite mad. And today—god forbid we should forget what happened _today_! Naruto had taken off his jacket because it'd caught itself on a tree branch and when he went to put it back on Sasuke had flicked his forehead lovingly—yes, lovingly!—and said 'just forget it, you're not going to need that.' Then they had smiled again and dashed away, leaving behind whatever they'd discarded for Sakura to pick up and return to them like a dutiful cellmate who absolutely didn't have any ulterior motives just because she was going to _Sasuke-kun's_ house.

But only after she gave Naruto his things back. She couldn't be seen lugging the idiot's gear all over town. He, she thought as a handful of shuriken fell out of a pouch (was it Sasuke's or Naruto's?), should be grateful that she was even bothering to do this for him. This should be his Christmas present from her. It's not like _he'd_ done anything special for _her_ in the last couple of months. Neither had Sasuke, for that matter, but he didn't really count. Sasuke was Sasuke. He earned presents just by existing. Such was the life of a pretty boy.

Naruto couldn't hold a candle to the blindingly brilliant aura Sasuke emanated. He just wasn't in the same league. But for some godforsaken reason, the two boys had been spending a lot of time together and it bewildered Sakura beyond logical explanation. She'd seen Naruto pouting at Sasuke inside a store and Sasuke would ruffle his hair or smile (something that the fangirls with stalker tendencies would've killed to see). What in the holy name of hell was that supposed to mean? Sasuke hardly ever smiled, so how could Naruto coax him into it so easily? It was almost like… Like they were dating or something! She laughed at the ridiculous notion until she was almost outside Naruto's apartment. Dating, what a riot! That'd never happen in a million years!

"Sasuke…" What was that? What would Sasuke be doing in the craphole that Naruto called home? "Why do you have to tie me up like this? I did everything you said…"

It couldn't be.

"It's because you're an idiot," Sasuke said and Sakura knew this to be him because she dreamed of his voice every night speaking loving words to her in her fantasies.

"Sasukeee…" Naruto whined. "You didn't do it right! Mine's all soft! And yours is hard…"

Thought Sakura wanted to kick down the door and burst in with fists flailing, she was frozen to the spot. It surely couldn't be _that_ that they were doing. And if they were, then she must be having a nightmare, because there was no other logical explanation for it. Sasuke did _not_ sleep with guys, even if they were kind of cute and a smidgen effeminate and had a nice butt. Mentally she kicked herself for giving Naruto undue merits.

"How'd you get it so hard? It looks perfect," Naruto's frustration was apparent.

"It's because I'm a ninja genius," Sasuke's voice was as low and velvety as ever and Sakura desperately wished it was directed her way.

"Don't hit me with it, teme!"

Sasuke—her beloved Sasuke—was doing inappropriate things with the village idiot! What was the world coming to? She had to prevent this tragedy from going any further so as to preserve Sasuke's all-important dignity! In the name of what all fangirls considered holy, this travesty would not go unpunished!

"Teme, I told you not to hit me with it!"

"But you like that, don't you?" Those words, how could he be saying those words to _Naruto_ of all the people in the damnable world?

"Well mine is bigger—I just told you not to hit me with that stupid thing!"

"Size-freak. Mine's better overall."

"Prove it!"

"Why don't you suck on it and see?"

Sakura felt her heart stop with her brain as she went into a momentary coma. Why wouldn't her legs move? Damn her curious mind! A fraction of her wanted to see Sasuke shacking up with a guy, but it was only a very, very small one and her duties to the Sasuke Ultra Love Love Fan Club came first and foremost!

"Don't try to shove it—don't grab my hair, teme!"

"Shut up and try it," Sasuke growled provocatively.

There was a pause and Sakura felt her mind explode with ribald imagery. Naruto down on his knees, bound as he suckled on Sasuke's—"It tastes good."

"I told you it would."

"Wait, what are you doing with mine? Don't bite it, teme!"

Sakura could almost hear Sasuke licking his lips. "Yours tastes good too, dobe."

That was it. Sakura's brain officially shut down as she collapsed in the hallway, the things she'd been carrying piling atop her. Naruto had—with Sasuke—and they—it was simply too much!

Sasuke and Naruto peered out of the doorway down at the pinkette. The curved tip of Sasuke's candy-cane hooked itself in Naruto's cheek as he wrapped his tongue around it to banish the red stripes from the treat. Naruto's candy-cane whip (that being the most logical term for it) curled around Sasuke's forearm, a distinctive bite mark near one of the ends. They exchanged a skeptical glance, wondering why she was passed out in front of the doorway. What would the neighbors think? They could get the wrong impression or something!

"What's _her_ problem?" Sasuke wondered aloud as he retrieved his arm socks and weapon pouch.

Naruto pulled the candy-cane out of his mouth as he collected his own belongings. "Who knows?"

"Merry Christmas, dobe."

"Merry Christmas, teme."

0o0

A SasuNaru one-shot. Just because I don't write enough of it in 'The Romanticist', which I highly recommend if you happened to enjoy this.

~YamiTensshi~


End file.
